I first came to Madrid years back as my first solo international trip. 

At that time I chose to come to this city sort of as a “payback.” When I was living in Los Angeles I had a little fallout with people I met there because I cancelled out on an event due to personal family health issues and a particular person was upset I couldn’t attend, let’s say an event and a “friend trip” because I chose to tend this particular matter and them not understanding why I couldn’t make it which was odd to me. I’m the kind of person that always comes through for family and friends but I guess these people weren’t understanding, maybe because we were raised differently and still confused until this day. But when you get upset over something that way it raises red flags and narcism. 

Long story short, the issue I had to deal with turned out fine, everyone came out healthier, happier. I may have lost some friendships, was hurt, and had to try and move on. Since that friendship was done and had time for a getaway, I still wanted to make it up by going on a little getaway, holiday, vacation, trip. So I chose Madrid, because someone in that friend group spoke about it and was saying that they wished they got to spend more time while out there because they were on a quick layover then. So I booked my ticket, and ended up going, had the time of my life, and really loved the Spanish Culture and country. 

Coming back this second time around was a little nostalgic just because like I mentioned Madrid was my first solo international trip, and just like this other person, I was on a quick layover for me before I head out to Ibiza and coming now released a lot of emotional anxiety. You know how people go through therapy to talk through things, vent out your feelings, well this time around going to Madrid did that for me. 

The last couple years I lost something huge in my life and needed to gain back what I lost. I was depressed, I lost my joy, myself, and having to go back and figure it out all over again. Venting to loved ones, and when going back to therapy, it was the same thing I kept hearing over and over again, things happen for a reason what I used to hate hearing, I have to figure out, which I feel like I am constantly doing, and just getting back to my old happy weird self again. But stepping off the plane, driving into the city, and checking into the hotel room I was staying in for the night, I was getting that sense of feeling again. 

The first time I came to Madrid I was dancing around the city, way before TikTok even happened, now you see people doing useless videos of that everywhere, Back then I did it as an emotional release. And on my quick layover, just walking around, not really hungry because I was jet lagged and had a meal coming off the place, but the smoothie I ordered, and the gelato I had for the night, gave me a sense of you got to stay patient in the process. They say when you travel somewhere you see things that you have never seen, like literally. Where I live I don’t see what I get to see in Madrid, and when you finally see it you’re finally thinking to yourself, “SO THIS IS IT” when you finally see it and you’re in awe and amazed after seeing it. That was also that feeling as I stepped out into the city, just walking around feeling the Spanish Heat, and feeling the vibrations of the Mecca. It’s something indescribable, but I started to get a sense of I’m beginning to understand why things are going the way they are. Traveling to me is almost like venting to someone that will listen to you, definitely similar to therapy, just a little bit more expensive but you come out of the trip rejuvenated from what you were feeling before. 

I never rekindled that friendship, that was from the past. 

From what I heard some of the people went got married had kids and divorced a couple years later. And from a couple of years ago, I didn’t gain back from something huge I lost, but learned from that situation that there is more to life than losing something than you felt was important but realized you can get it back anyways. I am beginning to understand why people come and go, and sometime I just have to go. My joy is slowly coming back. And for some weird reason, walking around Madrid the second time around taught me that. I vented to the city and they offered me more Gelato to make me feel better, and it sure did. Was it a full circle moment? Some say it can be. I didn’t go around dancing the streets of Madrid like I did before but I’m just beginning to redeem myself on how I see it. Looks as if I got to wait a little longer to full strength happiness back and hopefully the blessing will be bigger than what I expect it to be.