Summer Nights, Make it last forever!
Summer Nights, Make it last forever!
The minute the clock strikes midnight morning of March 8, my phone blows up with text messages and even a call from my parents. I didn’t answer or even reply back, and just put my phone on silent so I can at least get some sleep. This year hasn’t been the greatest and all I wanted was to get my 10k run for the Susan G Komen race for the cure that was coming up that weekend, which I signed up for months prior, otherwise I would’ve been somewhere exotic the day of my birthday so I can spend it alone.
A year ago I had a huge birthday. I planned it big. I flew people I had close ties with from around the country to celebrate with. I was surrounded by people who I thought were my friends. Since it fell on a Sunday, I had that typical Los Angeles “Sunday Funday” where you would go have brunch and needed that mimosa or bloody mary for pre-game, followed by a club lounge that had a DJ and of course plenty of drinks that was being handed to me without hesitation. I’ve always pictured a huge birthday, and that’s how I planned it last year. But little did I know, more than half of these people that came to my birthday last year I do not even talk to anymore. I had to purposely cut them off due to certain circumstances, however I did briefly mention is in previous blogs. I realized that these people were fake to begin with, artificial, and only wanted to become friends to get what they want. Because of this I started to lose trust and became a little depressed, not because of losing them as friends but because of how the situation occurred. When one person likes to brain wash other people and use them as minions, then that is fine. Go ahead and be a follower and live that way.
Within this year, my sister’s cancer did come back and luckily everything turned out ok. However, my cousin passed away Christmas night. Long story short they found a tumor in her brain, went into operation and doctors messed up. It took a toll on my family, especially during the holidays. Heartbreaking on how much I really wanted to be there for them when I couldn’t because they were thousands of miles away. I felt alone. I felt lost and really could not turn to anyone when I was stuck in my room in Los Angeles, just empty. I did talk for my sister for a bit but I did not want her to hear my pain so I cut her off short. I really felt like I could not reach out to anyone because crying out for help in my part I did not think would work. These other people I thought who were my friends did it, and I was there for them in a heartbeat. Divorces, relationship break ups, surgery in the hospital, my ass was there the minute they needed it. But when a family member was sick or a death in the family occurs, I did not have anyone. Alone.
With the fallout of the fakes I traveled a lot more. I been to places I never thought I’d go or wouldn’t have thought I would make an effort to go to. I went skydiving to release it all out, I tried to go to exotic places to just get my mind at ease and to just clear it. I’m doing races for breast cancer in honor of my sister not only to raise money but to raise awareness for women and men to get checked. It helped a lot. But my blood boils and anxiety occurs when I think of it until this day. But it’s ok because I didn’t realize how much of a stronger person I am today than I was last year. I’m a very sensitive person, I put my heart into everything and I got used. I just have to fight the pain in order to get through it. The pain emotional pain that I go through is nothing of the pain that my sister and my cousin and even my cousin went through. Your relationship break ups is nothing.
So this day, a year older, I do have amazing family friends and I still count. I keep telling myself that I don’t need that many friends or even any friends at all. If you followed me on here and see what I’ve done, I did everything alone, independent. I’m more wise than I was last year. Besides I have friends internationally that I still keep in touch with. So when I’m at home I do my own thing. I get things done, try to stay healthy, do 10Ks try to help raise awareness for cancer, and save my energy to travel and see the world. That’s my therapy. So my birthday was intimate, with close friends with laughs and just fun. Followed by the 10K race the Saturday after, then flew off to Mexico for a week where I met some great people out there. I’m very social so it is no problem for me to go out there and make more friends, but at my age I just don’t have that energy anymore. I still have people that I can count on. However my guard is still up and my trust in people is very limited and I proceed with caution, even with my close friends now, I’m still working on that. Family is always first, and if i don’t have friends. That’s fine. I’ll still continue doing what I’m doing. Trying to make a difference, travel, and at least inspire and bring a smile to peoples face. Happy Birthday.
With a rough couple of months, I finally came at ease. With a new year, a new age, it’s time to make changes for the better. I’ve learned to let go, move on, and realize the finer things in life. At 33, I’m blessed with loved ones that know the meaning of LOVE, FRIENDSHIP, and LOYALTY.
I decided to treat myself for a birthday trip. Originally I was supposed to head to the Caribbean but things had to take a different turn because of vacation time. So I was able to book a last minute trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. When you have that feeling, take it, and pass it on.
Another year has passed, and all I can say is…2015 was a bitch. It was a bumpy ride, literally and metaphorically. But when I look back and reflect on how my year went, I managed through it. You might’ve had worse or you may think it was nothing for me, but we all have different experiences in life that makes you stronger in the long run. Two of my loved ones got the bumpy ride as well. One battled, but one lost. As for me, I battled and also had bumps along the way, but I went into fifth gear and rode it out.
I was on my way home from Cancun making a connecting flight in Texas. I received a text message from my sister after passing through customs asking me when I was returning and to call her as soon as possible. When I spoke to her she told me her lymph node came back while vacationing. She lost her voice with a fever while her and her family was out celebrating the long Memorial Day Weekend. After a couple of biopsies and tests, they found a bump and said it needed to be removed. When I got off the phone with her, I was letting my heart out. Tears of pain and confusion occurred and people at the waiting area at the gate were asking me questions of comfort while I was waiting to board my flight back to Los Angeles. Even the Flight crew comforted me giving me alcohol, water anything to make me feel better, but I kept it all in. I didn’t know how to respond to people after a great getaway which ended my trip finding out about my sisters condition. Five years ago the same situation occurred and the pain she had to go through effected my family and didn’t want to see her go through this again. Doctors appointments and another surgery date was scheduled for mid summer, July to be exact.
I had planned on going on another vacation, a getaway the same time my sister was scheduled to get her lump removed. That bump needed to go. Prior to Cancun, I knew when I returned I would have to get with a friend of mine who planned this trip to Miami. I go to Miami maybe twice a year. I love that city, that is pretty much my second home. But at this point, what am I supposed to do? What would you do? Should I go to my sister and be with her while she gets her lymph node removed, or do I still enjoy my time in Miami? What is the smart thing to do? Ideally I would love to go to Miami. Coming back from Cancun, and going to Miami once or twice a year, it’s the obvious. My friend sent me a text asking if we can plan and go over trip details for Miami. But when I told her I couldn’t because of my sisters condition she was upset. A day later she calls and yells at me over the phone saying “how rude and inconsiderate I was” for not communicating with the rest of the group and not giving everyone else a heads up. I’m sorry, what difference does it make? I’m not going into other details about that conversation and situation because it boils my blood. After I spoke with the rudeness over the phone, I felt like my sister and the rest of my family was disrespected just because she was more worried about the trip to Miami over my sisters condition. Why yell at me because I’m cancelling out on a trip I would’ve LOVED to go to. Her reasons? Ask the people that were my friends, the ones that do not talk to me anymore, because her side of the story was believable and brain washing. None of them had reached out heard my side of the story, or even wished my sister the best. The other thing, the ones I introduced her to listened to her, and did not bother to reach out to me. MY FRIENDS, not hers. After these peoples relationship breakups, difficult everyday life challenges that I was there for, they did not want to be considerate, reach out to me, be there for me when I needed someone for comfort when I was scared for my sister. Her selfishness got the best of her, and everyone that I thought who had my back fell for it. My trust was lost after the disloyalty of these so called friends of mine. This whole entire time I was aquatinted with them was all a fake, plastic, non existent, time wasted. The list goes on.
During this Christmas season, I found out my cousin was in a coma. They found a tumor in her brain. The surgery did not become successful. Apparently the Doctors who operated on her brain mistakenly did something wrong. It resulted in a coma. My cousin did not make it. Christmas night I received a call from my sister and aunt at work saying that my cousin passed away. I was at the work when I received the news trying to hold it all in. As I walked out of work, I was pouring my eyes out. I knew that my cousin had a bump in her brain, but did not know that she actually went into the whole surgical process until my cousin gave me a call. I thought about my sisters situation. If the surgery didn’t go well that first time around, who would have known what happened. I can’t live without my sister, let alone my own family. God had made the decision, and this was it.
There are a lot of bumps in this road and there are ways that you just need to figure out how to get rid of them. My sisters lymph node is still there. Luckily the week before she was scheduled to go to surgery, her results were looking positive and she needed to follow doctors orders to prevent it from getting worse. Unfortunately, for my cousin, she’s playing with the Angels. In life, we find bumps in the road, we either drive over them, or they’re in the way. For me, I’m still trying to get rid of the bumps and I’m currently eliminating them. I got rid of most of them. Those are the people that I’m losing trust in, but I stepped on the gas to get over it. It does suck that I lost these people that I thought were my friends, but they were never my friends to begin with. We all go through it.
That was 2015 for me. When I think about this year, I look ahead on how I want 2016 to be. I figured, let me just get through the year day by day. No New Years resolutions. The bumps that were in my way to begin with, I learned that I just have to fly by them. As a result in all this in 2015, I was able to travel more with not one thing to hold me down. Cancun, Madrid, Puerto Vallarta, Paris all in a couple of months. 60000 miles total travelled. And I checked off something big on my bucket list. Am I going to do the same thing in 2016? Probably. But like I said I’m taking it day by day. And if there any bumps in the way, get rid of it. How? You’ll know. I did.
I love you Ate. And to cousin Danelle, may you rest in peace. Play safe with the Angels. ❤
It’s that time of year. Christmas is the season of giving. Or that is what has been told to many. Gatherings, being with loved ones, and being jolly and having a grand ole time. So the other day I decided to have a little gathering of my own. I reached out to the people I had a special relationship, bond with that I hold in a special place in my heart here at home in Los Angeles. Making them brunch while doing a little white elephant gift exchange would be best as well as playing games having mimosas and just listening to Christmas music was very ideal and picturesque. I made special invites specifically for them to join me and they all accepted. I planned the entire two weeks for it from that point up until the planned Christmas Brunch Date. Little that I know the day took a turn.
Everyone pretty much knows that I owned it when it came to traveling this year. But the thing is, I OWNED 2015. A lot of it had to do with figuring out who I am, who my real friends are, and who needed me the most. I lost friends, but I gained my self dignity and pride in myself. Yeah it hurts, but I am a lot more happier than I was earlier this year. I had to eliminate a lot of the FAKE, THE PLASTICS, the ones who do not know what is going on for their lives and trying to reach what they THINK they need. For me, I just want to live life, have fun.
“THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT LOSING YOURSELF IN THE RHYTHM THAT MAKES YOU FEEL SO ALIVE”
i would usually make a video of my trips i would take. here’s something different.