My friend from San Francisco was coming into town to join the Christmas brunch date I planned. So I had to get my place ready. Throughout the week I bought little prizes that I put in gift bags to give to winners of these little games along with gift cards to Target, Coffee Bean and Trader Joes which I thought was adorable to give, along with little incentives on the side. As I was getting that ready and setting up the decorations, I was going to cook for my friends after picking up my friend at the airport. While doing all this, I received a text message from her saying that her plane was on a mechanical and that she would arrive an hour late. She asked if she still should come, but I told her, “Yes please do, because I want to see you” through a text message, since I haven’t seen her in a while. Besides, her and I were going to do the cooking and put a little mini concert for my friends at the end of the little soiree I planned, so I needed her. But, could this have been the start of a bad day? Well, I put that mind setting on the side and thought “alright, well let me get things started and prepare the food for cooking just in case people started showing up. I had vegan scones and potatoes I planned on making for my vegan friends that were coming. I had a rotisserie chicken I planned on glazing, side salads and fruits as well as 3 bottles of champagne ready to pop with strawberries in the mimosas on trays ready for my guests as they walked into the door. Plus I had the mistletoe hanging above the door I had ready to kiss my guests as they walked in, as a joke to both male and females, (LOL!). However, while prepping up I was getting a text that one forgot, so he wanted to relax. One down, no big deal. Another said she also forgot, Great!. And another had family issues she needed to deal with. It’s ok, Family First!. Another friend didn’t feel well so she could not make it, but that is ok, keeping good health is a must. Little did I know, as I was on my way to the airport to pick up my friend, I did not hear from everyone else, so no one showed up. The only ones that ended up showing up was my friend from San Francisco as well as a close companion of mine who is really good friends with my roommate who showed up with a white elephant gift at hand. In all honesty, I was heartbroken. With the year I’ve had, I just felt empty, like i had no one except the two that showed up which means a lot. She flew in from San Francisco to join in on the festivity but came to nothing. Although she said, lets have our own brunch, in which the three of us did. So we went on about our day and had a beautiful brunch in Downtown Los Angeles.

As I was heading home from brunch with my two friends, I received a call from my cousin in San Francisco. You know that feeling when your heart drops? Well my heart literally fell out and dropped after this phone call. About a couple of weeks ago around Thanksgiving, my first cousin from the Philippines found a tumor in her brain. To make a long story short, as they operated in getting the tumor out, the doctors supposedly hit a bad artery which caused blood clotting. After two to three tries in trying to get her brain function back to normal, she fell into a coma. It has been told that from the time I received that call from my cousin, that she only had a certain amount of time which was count down to hours to live. Remember how I said I felt empty, well this was when I really felt empty, cold, and depressed inside. My sister just had to go through the same situation, and to hear that my younger cousin is going through it and going into a coma made my heart ache. And to hear that she just got married to her high school sweetheart this past July just made it worse. My aunt is in loss for words. My Grandmother is stressed, let alone, if it were the case to see her grandchild go. What grandparent wants to see that? Especially this time of year, the season of giving, really took a turn in my family. The rest of the day, after dropping my friend back at the airport, i drove along the beach. To just try and clear my mind, but while I was driving there it started to rain. Then I took another turn, and decided to go to church. I felt at this point God needed to hear me. None of my friends showed up to the gathering I planned, so I felt I needed to turn to someone who I knew would be there regardless, and that was God. I cried, I prayed, I sang from my heart, I let it out. The day that went from I thought would’ve been a joyous little gathering turned into a day of mourning. My building mate, came down to see how I was doing. She bought me pizza, poured me a glass of wine and listened to me talk and be by my side. I really needed that. She had no words for me, but all she told me was, “I’m here if you need it and I’m sorry it hasn’t been the greatest year for you.”

I got on the phone with my Aunt, Uncle, Brother, Sister, and Parents just to see how they were doing. I think we were all in shock because we didn’t think that in our own family something so sudden would happen. After all this, with how the day went, I mean, was it even worth it even trying to have a brunch for those that didn’t even show up? I forgive that they didn’t come. Because at the same time, I don’t think I would want them to see my feelings and reactions when I received that call. At that point I think all the energy that I put in trying to make a successful brunch needed to be where it needed the most. Was prepping up to be with family for the holidays. These people are still my friends but it was not worth trying to waste my morning, day, let alone the past weeks in trying to make it a day. I felt horrible, empty, alone, depressed. At that point I wanted to be with family, my grandmother because of her pain. I just wanted to be with those that I needed to give and put the energy to, and that was family.

We all know this is the time of year where it tends to get busy and our minds wander elsewhere. That is the hustle and bustle of the holidays. But after that Sunday, I learned that we just need to appreciate what we have. Appreciate WHO we have. Who is it that you really need to give, put the energy to for this holiday season. Do you really need to buy that $100 present for your loved one? I think just being there for them and giving your heart and your love is what really matters the most. Do you really need all these friends that you tried making an impression for? Are they really your friends? Think about it. I tried making everything perfect for that day. But the day did not even happen. I felt i need to owe something to people, give to people. But I really don’t need to. I think it’s because of the mentality that we all are brainwashed this time of year. I really do love all of my friends, with all my heart. I consider them my loved ones. Family too. And as for my cousin, I pray for the best, wish for a miracle, and sending a lot of my love like I always do to everyone I know. it’s all in God’s hands. Love you Danelle ❤